I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
