She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
