I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
