Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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