I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
