I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
