It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
