Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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