Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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