I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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