You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
