You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
