he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
