I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
