I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
