I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
