she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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