Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
