remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
