Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
