Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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