i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
