Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
