it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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