I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
