you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
