I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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