Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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