pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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