Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
