i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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