...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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