Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm too high and old for this...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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