But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
