Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
