i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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