i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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