I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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