She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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