and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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