You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
