I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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