Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
