Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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