i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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