he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
