If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
