anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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