4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
