Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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