it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
