"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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