ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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